My name is Loki Laufeyson This is my story
by Doctor Maz
Summary: Set in late 1800, early 1900 England. Loki and Tony must find and act on their strange feelings for each other before it is too late and Tony marries. They must survive together in a time where homosexuality is prohibited and a hangable offense. A Frostiron fic, obviously AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

* * *

There was a large tree by the lake that was part of the grounds of the house. Between the tree and the lake were perhaps five, six metres of lawn. Beneath the tree, sitting on the bank, were to figures. Men.  
One man sat, leaning back on one elbow so that he half lay on the grass. The other man sat to his left, maybe two inches further forward than the other. He lay into the taller man, the other's arm wrapped around his waist and holding him close, his head wresting on the shorter man's hip.  
I envy them. They sit there, not a care, all the worldly possessions they could dream is, all the love, the presence of each other.

My name is Loki Laufeyson, and I am that man under the tree, and that is Tony Stark, lying there in my arms.

This is my story.

* * *

**DUN DUN DUUNNN**

**To be continued...**

Let's start from the beginning shall we? Chapter two will be up momentarily...


	2. Chapter 2

**And here we GO!**

**The beginning of the beginning. So... The beginning. Let's get this story STARTED!**

* * *

The winter was a cold one, and Hertfordshire wasn't known for it's visitors. That was why it was a shock to find an American visitor straight from sunny California.  
Mr. Stark was an American of a vast fortune and so his presence became the topic for gossip throughout the county.  
I was the ward of Mr. Odin Borson after the death of my father, Laufey. I was soon to come of age and would inherit a large house a little north of the area.  
Anthony Stark was six years my senior, and it was suggested that I befriend him in the hope that he might become friendly with a friend of my own, Lady Jane Foster. Little did they know of what this would ignite.

It was at the public ball marking the beginning of te season in which I found myself talking to a commander in the fourth regiment, a Mr Steve Rogers, an American. It was he who introduced me to Anthony.  
"Mr Laufeyson, pleased to make your acquaintance, my name in Tony Stark."  
"Likewise." I nodded a little bow at the man who stood before me. A handsome man, very rugged looking, Very American. His suit was tailor made, black with a red satin lining, slightly flashy, Obviously new money. He seemed pleasant enough, but was he good enough for dear Jane? I was unsure, Jane was a very dear friend, and I really despised Americans. He would have had to be more impressive than this to deserve the word. I would have to explore further.  
"So, Mr. Stark. Pardon me, but how is it that you came across your fortune?"  
"I am an inventor."  
"Oh, so you are a working man?"  
"Yes, but I earn close to twenty thousand a year by gentlemanly means also."  
"Twenty thousand! In land or investment?"  
"Investment, but I also have forty acres in my estate in California and of course, the newly acquired Buncham Park."  
"Ah, so that is the answer to my second, unasked question. You are the heir of Buncham Park and the fourteenth Lord Buncham?"  
"Indeed I am. The twelfth Lord was the brother of my great grand father."  
Once Mr. Stark neared the end of his sentence, he started signalling for one of the waiters with a tray of champagne in his hand. Mr. Stark passed one to me before taking one himself. Oh, so he is a gentleman then. Jane would approve. "So, what is your story Mr. Laufeyson? Tell me your tale of woe?"  
"I beg your pardon?"  
"Well you. A single man, rich, very attractive, well spoken, beautiful, handsome. Single."  
"There is more to a person than their appearance Mr. Stark."  
"Well, I'm sure you have many other... amiable qualities. But that is beside the point, why are out not yet married?"  
This man intrigued me. So he was a flatterer, but was he right for Jane? "I am not wed because I am not yet at the age of twenty one. It is not yet required of me to find a bride."  
"Hmmm. Less than twenty one you say?" I nodded. Maybe their customs were different in America. California, did he say it was? "Hmmm... Interesting. And also, you are quite wrong."  
"No Mr. Stark, I can assure you. I am not a day over twenty one."  
"No no, not that. About there being more to people than their appearances."  
"Oh really? Pray tell."  
"Beauty is a wonderful thing. It is the only thing that matters. It is the only thing worth being these days. See that girl over there?" I nodded. "Beautiful is she not?" I nodded again. "But that's all she is. I bet there is not a single bit of brain inside that pretty little head of hers."  
"I see your point. Does that mean that you believe me to be a brainless organism also?"  
"On the contrary Mr. Laufeyson. That very comment proves it. No, you seem to be the exception that proves the rule."  
"You are quite the charmer Mr. Stark. I bet you have many a beautiful woman fall at your feet."  
"You are quite accurate Mr. Laufeyson, once again proving your intelligence. A trait we both share I believe."  
"Ah, so your charms are not directed solely at others Mr. Stark."  
"No, why that would be a waste."  
"Textbook narcissism Mr. Stark. It is most unhealthy, and it cannot improve your marriage prospects."  
"Wrong again Mr. Laufeyson. I seem to entrance women with EVERY aspect of my being."  
And it was right then that I noticed it. I was talking so freely. Words seemed to just flow from my mouth so easily, as if my tongue had turned to silver. The usually sheltered character I am and was had discarded it's shell and was talking openly to a new acquaintance, stranger really, and an American at that. I felt a true sense of freedom and wonder. I decided to embrace the friendship that this man offered, he seemed to captivate me in the strangest way. I had the feeling that if I let go now, I'd be a lost forever. At that moment Jane joined us having just finished a dance with the Captain Lewis, the brother of her close friend, Darcy.  
"Remind me, do you dance Miss Foster?"  
"Why yes I do."  
"Please excuse us Mr. Stark." He nodded a goodbye as I took Jane's hand, leading her over for the start of the new dance. As we began, I was dragged into conversation.  
"Why were you so eager to leave Mr Stark? He is quite charming, is he not?"  
"Do you always talk as a rule during a dance?" I queried but continued anyway, "Not in the slightest, I perceive him to be a cold, proud man, with no caring thought for another or their well being. I am sure we will be great friends."  
"Pardon my dear Loki, but I thought you didn't like him."  
"I have many friends I do not like dear Jane."  
"I find politics takes all the joy from a friendship, don't you? It is great fun to be a friend with someone, but I could not bear to spend a good deal of time with anyone I did not like, even of it was good for my reputation or brought me prospects."  
"We must always keep up our appearances as vigilantly as we find ourselves able. Alas, you are only young my Jane. You will not be saying the same when you are twenty seven and unmarried my dear."  
"What a dreadful thing to say."  
"hahah. That, of course, will never happen to you my friend. You with all your beauty. You could go far Jane."  
"Is Stark really such a dreary loathsome fellow my dear Loki?"  
"At present, but I am unsure. Allow me to investigate further. Then, if all is well, I will volunteer for your chaperone. Your other options simply will not do."  
"Oh how you look out for me my dearest."  
"Sweet Jane, do not worry. You will become prosperous with whatever you decide. You with such beauty."

Half way through the evening I was leant against a white stone pillar. Red wine in hand and watching the lady Jane dance with the flamboyant Mr. Stark. I watched as he kept a strong frame, his movements bold. One hand on Jane's petite waist, her delicate fingers resting in his hand and on his shoulder. He own frame fit perfectly with his as they danced, never more or less than an arms length apart.  
She looked beautiful. He hair was pinned up and frosted with pearls, and as she moved -as she glided- her ivory dress whirled around her and enhanced the perfection of their coupling.  
Stark wore a black suit, white shirt, and and elaborately patterned red waistcoat and matching cravat. Fine tailoring, and a finer choice for the man -accentuating his muscular form and showing the essence of his personality with it.

I was captivated, entranced, enamoured, perhaps you could say mesmerised, by the couple. I felt a great sense of achievement and pride. Jane would do well to marry this man, even if I feigned indifference to him, not knowing MY true feelings toward him myself. I was relieved for Jane, happy for her. I aimed to have her proposed to, if not wed by the twilight of the season. Long engagements were no longer fashionable, people believed in passion, in love, and in getting the job done right. It was more practical to marry as soon as. The sooner you married, the less time you got to know the person, and there would be plenty time for that after the wedding.

Happy thoughts aside, my work was still far from done.

These are the thoughts that stayed with me as I rode home in the carriage alone.


	3. Chapter 3

**This one is up with the second chapter simply because it is so short and is essential for the next chapter. Well... not really, but i didnt want to start the next with this. I suppose i could have put ti at the end of the last, but i liked that ending. Dramatic, dont't you think? ANyway, here goes.**

* * *

Anthony Stark, I decided, was a good match for Jane. He was rich, and he was American. Americans were fashionable.  
I was pretty sure that, given enough guidance, Mr Stark would soon fall for the lovely Jane.  
But I was not entirely sure. He had fortune, yes. He had looks, definitely. Charm, also a yes, as with intelligence. But was he... Nice? Now I would not look for perfection and gentle graces in my future spouse, but it was something Jane would need. Jane needed a gentleman.

I needed to find out more.

So I invited Mr Stark to dine with me the following evening. Jane would be dining out.

* * *

**Actually, on reflection. this would have been a perfectly adequate start to the next chapter. Ah well.**

-This is the D0ctOr, Over and ouT.


	4. Chapter 4

**The next instalment. Another small one, but another double. Enjoy.**

* * *

The curtains were open about an inch, letting a thin stripy of the morning sun slice through the room, dividing it into two unequal halves. The light rested on the opposing wall, a portrait of my great grandfather. The light illuminating a single eye in the darkness, him casting his disapproving glare to where I sat below.  
I watched as the particles of dust waltzed in the spotlight, enthralled by their never ending dance. The sun passing from left to right through the room, the only thing to signify the passing of time. I must have sat from dawn to early evening, for the sun was low in the sky when I was interrupted by a faint knocking on the door followed by a pair of soft footsteps and a clear female voice.  
I turned to face the intruder.  
"Mr Stark, sir." And with a curtsy she left. I rose. I was now completely alone with him. And I had absolutely no idea what to say.  
On reflection, I realise I must have been standing and staring at him for quite some time before either one of us spoke.  
"Mr. Stark. What a pleasure it is to se you. Do sit down. Would you like a drink?"  
The next twenty minutes leading up to supper I admit was a daze.


	5. Chapter 5

The hall had once been filled with fine tapestries, with portraits, and with drapes. Now, all that garnished the walls were the panels of elaborately carved Tudor oak and the grand fireplace in the centre.  
I was often noted for my... Flamboyant nature, but it never stretched to the great hall. It unsettled me to be watched while I ate by the judgemental eyes of my ancestors, by the expectant eyes of the works in the painting. The oak was beautiful and dark, something that didn't deserve to be hidden away by the 'legacy' of the house's past occupants. I preferred things to be stripped down to what they really were, not covered by the lies of others.  
You could smell the oak of the wall panels, of the tables, and of the chairs. The great hall looked intimidating, too large for just the two of us sitting at an empty table. I felt uncomfortable and the conversation was awkward. I felt vulnerable. It was as if I was being watched.  
After we ate, I suggested we retired to the library for a drink.

I resumed my usual seat below the portrait of my grandfather, and Anthony took the adjacent seat to mine. Even with the scrutinising gaze if the painting in the wall boring into the back of my head, this felt extremely less formal, and so I found myself able to relax a little.  
"I am afraid Loki that I must ask. Why did you summon me here this evening?" Stark leaned back in his chair, an expectant look on his face awaiting a response.  
"There's something about you Mr. Stark, that I just can't put my finger on." All manners aside, I leant forward, elbows on my knees, caring little of the though me impolite for such an outburst. Instead, he left out a small chuckle and leaned forward himself, his voice turning deeper and darker, one side of his mouth turning up slightly at the edge.  
"And what might that be." He leant forward still. As did I.  
One eyebrow subconsciously raised as I spoke next, my voice too becoming lower and more playful. "Well I don't know." A smirk played in my lips. "I can't put my finger on it. Can I?"

We were so close that I was able to feel his warm breath against my chin, so close that I could see the ocre specs in those chocolate eyes. So close that I could almost feel the tip of his nose touch mine.  
Our eyes seemed to lock, my irises chained to his. His breath drew warmer, closer as he tilted his chin towards mine. My heart quickened, a million thoughts rushing through my head. Every cell in my body drawing towards him, my mind telling them to hold back.  
His lips were so close to mine, our breaths mixing together. Our eyes both drifted shut, and out lips so close. His lips were about to touch mine.  
I breathed in a short sharp breath and pulled away, standing up in a single movement.  
"Are you a bourbon man Mr. Stark? Or do you prefer port?"

* * *

**Why you no review?! (sadface)**

**I think i have... 1?**

****Also, just like to point out that Mr Gangham-style-man waved the checkered flag at the Korean Grand Prix (F1)

Just thought I'd share.

**Look forward to a new chapter in the next few days.**

-DOctoR maZ, over and out.


	6. Chapter 6

There's something about that noise, alcohol pouring in a glass. It always brings me back to a memory of Anthony. Perhaps this night was the origin, for I suppose it's where it all began.

After handing him the glass, I returned to my chair. I would have to make a note to have that painting removed in the morning. The superior gaze of my grandfather's portrait unsettled me. Perhaps I'd replace it with a nice winter scene...

Anthony sat back in his chair with his glass, pretending to the world that THAT had not just happened. Whatever THAT was.  
I was glad.

"So. Tell me more of your inventions Mr. Stark. I am somewhat of an amateur physicist myself."  
"You continue to surprise me Mr. Laufeyson. But please call me Tony, and can we please lose the formalities? You British people tire me out will al your weird customs. Can't we just talk normally."

I cannot pretend that I was at all surprised by this outburst. Mr. Stark- Tony was an American and I was not privy to their customs, although America is said to be the land of tolerance which does something to explain the absence of shock on my part.

"Mr Stark, if you insist on calling each other by out Christian names, then I would much preferred to call you Anthony. Tony sounds so..."

"Working class?"

"That's not what I was going to say."

"But it's what you were thinking."

"No. I was going to say that it sounds very... Intimate."

"Oh."

I couldn't help but notice the shift in Stark's expression, something undetectable in his eyes. I turned my gaze back to the window, through it I could see the sun hovering low in the sky. The dazzling orb leaking pink and orange which tinted atmosphere, casting a soft gold light on the ground. Half of Stark's face was illuminated by the same light, making him look surreal, like a painting or a dream.  
I am still unaware of how long I stared, caught in that heavenly daze until I realised I was had not been breathing, became aware that time was still moving and I was still alive.

"Please forgive me Mr Stark"

"Tony please."

"I'm sorry. Tony."

"Better. Now what do you say about getting us another drink and ill tell you all about my latest invention?"

-PAGEBREAK-

"So, if I use the mass and work out the power I can generate with this engine, I can the use this to work out the velocity. I'll compare this with the speed to see if it is actually any faster than a horse and carriage. My only problem is, to increase the power I will make it heavier, and so the speed won't really change."

"Fascinating."

"You know, you're the only one I've explained it to who hasn't told me I'm mad."

"What an age we live in Mr Stark."

"Tony"

"I wonder, what is it you are powering this... Engine on Anthony?"

"Ah, I'm glad you asked. Steam power. But as it has only been very recently discovered, people know very little about it and are reluctant to have any faith in my project."

"Have you considered any other sources of power, and other ways to turn an engine?"

"Such as?"

"I don't know, perhaps if you could find a way to store the energy, and then release it again-"

"Then I could generate it all before and then only carry minimal weight on board."

"But how..?"

"But you'd have to constantly replace the energy."

"Only as you'd have to replace fuel."

"Loki you are a genius."

"No need to thank me yet Mr Stark, we don't even know if this is possible."

"Anything is possible my friend, anything. And it's Tony by the way."

I began to find that whenever my dear Mr Stark would say anything like that, I would chuckle, not always out loud, but there was always something like fondness in the way he said it, something that made me feel the same fondness back.

There was something very sophisticated about sitting in the library, evening sun flooding through the window, and the fire light casting a dramatic glow on the room. A whiskey tumbler in hand, and sharing conversation with perhaps the most interesting man in England, probably the whole world. I found I could get lost in his words and wind away hours in conversation with this man.

"Anthony, would you care to stay the night? It is too late and too dark for you to travel home now, and we have plenty of rooms made up."

"I would be delighted Loki. But are you sure the reason isn't simply so you could spend a while longer in my company?"

"Oh how could you tell?" I jested "How is one so genius as to work through my guise."

"Oh it comes naturally to me."

"You must be quite vain Mr Stark."

"Back to 'Mr Stark' again are we? Well I would like to know 'Mr Laufeyson', if you think my vanity without reason."

"No 'Anthony'. I do not. Nor do I see vanity as a fault. One is a fool not to see true beauty, as they are if they are afraid of it. Beautiful is the one thing truly worth being in this world. That and wealthy."

"So you think me handsome?"

"I thought we decided to drop the formalities 'Tony'."

"We'll then I must observe. I think you handsome also."

"Then you are not a fool Anthony."

"So now who's the vain one?"

"I do not deny seeing beauty in myself, but I don't think that is vanity, that is truth."

"Oh so, not vain then. Is that narcissism I detect?"

"Textbook. But I am not fool enough to believe I am the only one in this room."

Tony put a hand to his heart in mock offence. "Me? What would give you that idea?"

"I believe Anthony, that we will grow to be great friends."  
This time, I didn't bother to suppress the grin that threatened to spread across my face.

"Aren't we already?" He winked with a sideways nod of his head before leaning back again in his chair. It was then I realised how far we had both been leaning forward, how close we had been, perched on the edge of our seats.  
I poured us each another drink and we turned to more trivial conversation. I say trivial, it may have in fact been something quite deep, but the topic's not something that stood out in my mind. It wasn't something that anything became of, but I do remember, it was... Nice.

-PAGEBREAK-

"Goodnight Mr Stark. Lane will show you to your room."  
Lane, the first footman gave Tony a short bow and I nodded them good night.

I made my way to my own room, undressing in silence before biding good night to my valet.

I slipped into my bed, falling into a gentle sleep. I am told my face would make one think of a marble figure, sculpted by Michelangelo himself, that my face looks so young and peaceful as I dream, skin porcelain in the light from the hall.

I slept in complete peace for no more than three hours before my door opened part way. A figure stepped inside, silhouetted by the candlelight in the hall momentarily as he passed through the doorway before gently closing the door shut behind him.

-PAGEBREAK-

I woke as my covers rose slightly, someone slipping in beside me.  
"Christ Loki, for gods sake! Did you put me in a haunted room or something? Those eyes in the portraits, they kept starring at me. And the chimney, it howled!"

"So you thought you'd creep into my room, just into my nice warm bed and make everything cold?"

"I was scared. And it's your fault, you shouldn't have put me in that room."

"I also don't think the amount of scotch we had helped either."

Tony giggled. "Mmmm. Now I am cold. Make me warm. I am freezing. You should light a fire or something, this house is so cold."

I don't know what possessed me to do it at the time, probably something to do with the drink, but now I am glad of it. I put an arm arm around the man's shoulders, barely flinching when he pressed his cold body into my side.  
"Caution now Stark, or people might get the wrong idea."

"No one is here."

"I barely know you."

"I barely know you." He countered.

"You're freezing."

"And you're warm"

"Am I?"

"Yes."

"From here, in this candle light... You are beautiful." Again, what has I saying?

Tony leant up on one elbow as turned to look down at me.  
"Am I not always?" And those chocolate pools consumed me. My chin tilted up as his own lowered.

And then I was kissing him, well he was kissing me, and I was kissing back. Long and soft and careful and almost… withdrawn.  
"Yes."

And we kissed again.


	7. Chapter 7

**Here we are once again at the dawn of a new chapter. The build-up to some good shit here!**

* * *

I woke the next morning with the feeling I was dying. A heavy weight on my chest restricting my breathing.  
In a moment, the thoughts of the ending of the previous day came back to me with a smile. I slipped and hand beneath his night shirt to rest on a warm back, causing him to wake.  
He smiled up at me, warm and gentle. And then the memories came back.

Anthony shoved himself off of me and leaped half way across the room in a single movement, a look of fear on his face.  
He began to shake his head in panic. "This didn't happen. I was never here. You can't prove it. You can't ruin me. I didn't fall for your tricks, I didn't. You can't prove anything. Who'd believe you anyway? No, this never happened." He was now backed up against the far wall, trembling.

He could obviously not see the hurt and bewilderment that must have been deeply engraved upon my face.  
"Tony, I would NEVER-"

"'Tony?!" He snapped "How DARE you call me that?"

"But I didn't, I wouldn't, I-"

"No." He swallowed "I must go back to my room before Lane sees me."

"Anthony, wait."

"Don't. Don't call me that."  
And then he backed out of the door.

* * *

Breakfast was awkward. Tony was in a rush to leave. He was apparently completely alienated. He was disgusted at the prospect of being with a man, and was eager for it to be kept quiet for both the sake of the law, and to avoid scandal. He said i tricked him, blamed it on the scotch and my long hair making me look like a woman.  
He missed out the fact that it was he who entered my room, and it was he who had kissed me.

So when he left, I followed him to the stables.

"Tony please."

"My name's Mr Stark."

"I won't say anything."

"You are well know for your trickery Mr Laufeyson."

"And you are known for your charm."

"You will keep quiet about this. I might escape criminal charges, I am we'll known in America."

"I am sorry. And I would not tell anyone, and if you hadn't noticed, I am twelfth in line for the throne, I am equally as rich Mr Stark."

"Perhaps I should have gone along with your discussing plan. Should there be a mass breakout of disease at Windsor castle..."

"So facetious Stark. May I point out that it was you who sought me out last night? So sure it was my 'discussing plan'?"

"Goodbye Mr Laufeyson."

* * *

I spent the day in the library, once again sat beneath the disapproving glare of my ancestor.  
The country felt so empty without Jane there. It was not just Jane though, other women were gone, spending the summer in bath. I heard that was what was fashionable now, ever since the duchess decided to make that her second home, why she would leave Devonshire was beyond me.  
All of my suitors were also away. Lady Sigyn had accompanied Jane to bath, the Lady Natasha was in Russia tending to her sick mother, and Lady Marie was in London.  
My Brother, Thor was due to visit from Normandy in a few weeks. He had sent news of an arrangement by our father for his wedding to a Lady Sif. He seemed pleased.

While sitting there, drink in hand, I had little to occupy my mind with other than one Anthony Stark. I had never been one for rules, was had a bit of a problem with authority, but this? This reached new levels.  
But he didn't reciprocate my feelings, he was just as discussed as I should have been.

It seemed the last few days, even without him kissing me, little else has occupied my thoughts but him.

I always was good at falling for the wrong people. Sadly Tony Stark was not the same.

* * *

Three days past with little in the way of substance. That is to say they were empty. Nothing happened... Of consequence anyhow. I quite forget the content of those days.  
All I do remember is feeling anxious and alone and... Occupied.

And then it was the fourth day.

That afternoon I was in the stables, talking to Sleipnir, my favourite horse. It was what I often did when deep in thought or in need of company. After about twenty minutes I heard an awkward cough from the entrance to the barn.

"Uh, hello?"

I looked up to see the intruder. There Anthony stood, dressed head to tail in his extravagant wear, leaning slightly to the side nervously. Most out of character.

"Anthony."

"Yes. Um. I've come to apologise." Even more out of character, "I was really off with you the other day. I was just really drunk and... I hope we can just start again and pretend it never happened. I like you Loki."

"You know?" I took a single step closer. "That whole speck about apologising, and you never told me you were sorry." I mocked, letting one side of my mouth pull up into a smirk.

"I'm not saying it."

"Well then, apology not accepted."

"What?"

"Pardon?"

"Okay okay fine, I'm sorry. Okay?"

"Yes. Although you are not forgiven."

"What?"

"Pardon?"

"What?"

"You mean pardon."

"Oh. I am terribly sorry." Tony have an exaggerated bow, putting on his best pompous voice. "How could you ever forgive me for such a folly?"

"Better. You will dine with me tonight. I have a need for decent conversation. I have had a sheer lack of company this summer, especially with someone with intellect."

"I would be most flattered." Tony took another deep bow before turning to leave.

"It is already six. Go to the house and have Lane get out the scotch and cigars. I will join you momentarily."

Tony nodded and left. I followed ten minutes after, a self satisfied smirk indelibly on my face.

I would be content with friendship. I could not allow myself more.

That is what I told myself as I tried to suppress the need to skip my way back to the house.

* * *

**Exeunt and whatnot.**

**Next one's a-ready and waiting! I've been off ill recently, so i've got a couple chapters saved up. Next week i wont be writing as fast, but then the week after i have off, so i should stock some more up! So basically, should be pretty consistent with the updates unless I forget again. **

**The next chapter I have to write (I think it's 2 chapters from here?) has some Frostiron, and the relationship is to blossom from there, so that means it's less than a week away (Unless I forget again or my internet decides to cut out.)**

**I write everything on my phone and then upload it after. This accounts for the un-beta-d ness. I will try and get a beta soon. My computer wasnt working to upload this, so i am now on my crappy old laptop with a barely-working 'n' button. So... me=frustrated.**

**Keep any reviews coming, if nothing other than to remind me, but mostly cause i need to know what you want to happen next. Another ball? Thor coming home? More Jane? Some Sif? Want some other Avengers to come in? Any other ideas you've read circa this period?**

-dOCtor maZ, Over and oUtT.


	8. Chapter 8

**Here we are again. Our latest installment.**

**Speed may slow down a little bit here, but thats because ive started up another fic. I shouldn't be too slow for my updates.**

* * *

The mood lightened dramatically since Tony's previous visit, that large figurative elephant had been slaughtered, eaten, and the remains burned.  
After dinner, I agreed to a game if chess in the study. I preferred to play there, away from the portrait of my grandfather. No such luck thought it seemed as I was now under the watchful eye of my fathers portrait. I say eye, not eyes, simply because he has only one. Across the other eye sat a solid gold patch which must have been extremely uncomfortable to wear. He never did tell me how he lost his eye, even after several attempts of getting him to remove it so I could see what's underneath.

After about half way through the game, I remember us getting bored of the tiring activity of moving the pieces, and so we just called the spaces to each other.  
"Bishop to f5."

"Knight to f5"

"Queen to f5"

"Why did you do that?"

"To get your knight"

"But you lost your bishop, east that kind of... Pointless?"

"You have to learn to make sacrifices Anthony. And your knight was doing far too much damage."

"I liked my knight."

"Whereas I favour my queen."

"Knights are less predictable. It is easy to see if a queen is coming, but some forget about the knight."

"That is not the case if you play with me, I expect everything."

"Knights can jump.

"Queens have an unlimited displacement."

"I see your point. And your least favoured piece?"

"The king. It is weak."

"But without the king you are nothing."

"Depends how you play. I prefer to treat the kind as just another piece. After all, a battle doesn't end simply because the king dies.  
I am only playing this way for your own benefit Anthony."

"Perhaps we should start over then."

"No. I never quit half way through."

"Loki, we've reached a stalemate. Neither can win unless the other slips up. It's a tie."

"Nonsense. I'll just have to play until you slip up then."

"Perhaps another drink first?"

"I'll get Lane."

"Oh no. I'll do it." He stood and poured us both a tumbler of bourbon. Instead of sitting it down though, he handed it now me, his fingered lingered on mine just a moment too long.  
When he sat back down again, he didn't look at me. He seemed to found something interesting in the patterns of the marble table that seemed to tell him something more important than myself.

"Anthony? Is there something wrong?"  
When he didn't answer, I got out of my chair and crouched on the floor beside him. He didn't move his head, but shifted his gaze to the side. With my slightly bent forefinger, I tilted his chin up to face me. I also noted to my knees so our faces were on the same level.  
"Anthony?"

I saw a brief flash of sadness and then we were kissing again.

It didn't last long however until he pulled back.  
"I'm sorry Loki, I'm sorry. I said I wouldn't and I'm-"

"No." We'll that silenced him quite effectively. "Tony I kissed you back." I took too long strides to him and took his hands in mine. "Anthony-"

"Can I stay the night with you?"

I replied with a second kiss, helping myself to his warm lips.

"I'll tell Lane to make up another bed."

-PAGEBREAK-

7x7 feet of forest green velour sheets stretched over the large bed between posts of intricately carved dark wood. Above the bed were woven tapestries, highly decorated in golden tread and fine silk.  
No light shone in from the double windows due to the lateness of hour, and so the only light was from a roaring fire place in the adjacent wall to the bed. A few candles were placed around the room including small clusters either side of the bed.  
The entire room was ornate, and one could be quite lost in the general splendour of the room with all it's lavish decoration.  
The floor and lower half of the walls were covered in coverings of dark hard wood, and the white ceiling help patterns of roses and rich berries in the plaster. The upper half of each wall was taken up in lavish wallpapers of elegant, golden-green, intricate patterns of the era.  
There were no portraits in this room. The walls here empty, sans for a few paintings of fruit bowls and the country. The rest of the room held only the large bed, a book case, various end tables, a selection of a chair and love seat around the fire, and a golden candelabra which hung from the ceiling.

The room was relatively quiet, the only sound being the soft cooing of the wind against the windows.  
-PAGEBREAK-  
Tony went to his own room that night, Loki then sending his butler to bed.  
Once they were sure Lane was sleeping, Tony Left his room on search of Loki's.

Loki's valet had returned to his quarters at least an hour before Tony arrived, but he was being especially cautious. If anyone found him, they'd both be ruined.

Loki was already waiting beneath the covers of green velour when his door creeped open.

-PAGEBREAK-

"I am sorry for what I said to you before."

"Don't be. I apologise."

"It's just. I mean..."

"Weird?"

"Yes. No. Not weird just, different."

"I know."

"I didn't, I've never,"

"The great Tony Stark speechless."

"I-"

I grinned and reached out to put a hand on his shoulder.  
"It's okay Tony." I kissed him lightly on his lips. He returned the kiss harder, pushing me onto my back on the bed.

"Have you done this before? I-"

"Yes. There was a Lord, in the south. He married a French woman and moved over there. But I never really lo-"

He cut me off with another kiss. "Okay."

"Well then Mr Stark, I think it's best if-"

"I think we're at least on a first name basis by now."

I grinned again and rolled us over onto Tony's back and began untying his bedclothes.

-PAGEBREAK-

We lay on the bed above the covers, limbs tangled together in a heap. Tony was snoring softly as I ran my fingers through his hair. He was such a peaceful sleeper, and I had not the heart to awaken him from such a slumber.  
I did not have to wait long, for in a few moments he awoke naturally.  
I expected him to panic at first, as he had the last time. But he just smiled a toothy grin up at me and pulled me into his arms.

"I am sorry Loki, and you must know I don't want to, but I have to go."

"I'll see you for breakfast."  
He got up and kissed my long and hard on the mouth before pulling on his night shirt, getting up, and closing the door quietly behind him.

I couldn't keep that small, thin line of a smile off my face as I drifted back to sleep.

* * *

**That 's the end of this chapter. The next is written, but youre gonna have to wait a couple days for that one, atleast until ive finished chapter 10.**

****-The DocTor, OVer and OuT


	9. Chapter 9

**Another!**

* * *

Long stares, and longing glances occupied most of breakfast. If anyone else was present, it would have been sure to have given us away. We would have to practise our stills of deceit.  
The rest of the time we spent discussing how this new automobile of Tony's worked and how it would be best optimised for commercial use.  
They then went on to discuss the business side of things and how Tony was going to manage it from England. I forget the majority of the details, for they were of little importance. The time that we spent was what I try to commit to memory. While the content of most our conversations are now of little consequence, at the time I was assured they were most beneficial and inspiring to Anthony's work.

It was noon when we finished and I took my cane, hat, and coats. We agreed to go to town where I would show Anthony about. He was still relatively new to Hertfordshire, and in his time there had seldom been out.  
We took the carriage with the open top as it was an uncommonly sunny day and ended up shedding our coats due to the heat.

We must have been there for less than a minute before we were spotted by a pretty little girl from a manor house some twenty miles from mine.  
She was dressed all in salmon pink, with white lace and bows everywhere it could reach. For various reasons, I remember this encounter well.  
"Good day miss Elizabeth. How are you?"  
"I well Mr Laufeyson, thank you. I am most delighted to see your handsome face again. I have not seen you since the ball. You dance so well."  
"Have you met Me Stark? He just moved in toBuncham Park."  
"Mr Stark." She held out her hand. "I am sure it is a pleasure."  
Tony reached out an took her hand, placing a kiss on her dainty fingers while keeping constant eye contact.  
"The pleasure is all mine."  
"Yes." She turned back to face me. "It's a pity you will not come to dinner Mr Laufeyson. Is there anything I can do to persuade you?"  
"I am afraid miss Elizabeth that I am quite busy. However, Mr Stark I'm sure will be having his own ball soon, and I will make sure he invites you. I will be attending."  
"Oh how delightful, a ball. I do hope you will save a dance for me Mr Laufeyson. You dance so well."  
"As you said. Good bye miss Elizabeth."  
"Good bye Mr Laufeyson, Mr Stark." She gave a small curtsy and left, opening her parasol as she did.

"She completely ignored me."

"You sound surprised Mr Stark. Or 'lord' to use your proper title."

"Don't call me that."

"You must learn that when travelling with me, women will have little care for you."

"But you didn't seem to notice her."

"She is one of five daughters, her mother has been trying to marry at least one of them off to me for years. She is simply too poor and off too mediocre a birth for myself. You seemed quite flirtatious."

"I am with everyone. I am expected to marry some day Mr Laufeyson."

Now for some reason, I had great trouble hearing this. I know I hadn't know him long, nor had we promised anything to each other, but I felt betrayed. Logically, he would be expected to marry, and it would help with the guise. But I wasn't even sure how serious he was, of he'd want to stay with me.  
How could one small encounter have changed so much in my head?

"Indeed, you are."

"And I didn't know I was having a ball?"

"You'll have to keep up Mr Stark, or I shan't be able to hear you." I said matter-of-factly as I walked off down the next passage.  
Without even looking at him, I could tell how wide the grin was on Tony's face at that moment.

* * *

"So this ball, what do I need to do?"  
"It's quite simple. Food, music, dancing."  
"But how do I do it? Shall I just ask the servants to sort it out?"  
"Well they'll do it, yes, but you'll have to tell them what to do."  
"Ah."  
"I'll put you in touch with a young lady I know, terrible accomplished, Miss Virginia Potts. She excels at organising public events. "  
"What does she look like?"  
"Oh I'm sure she'll be to your liking Mr Stark."  
"Oh how you know me my dear Loki."  
"Hmmm. Anthony, would you like to go for a ride tomorrow morning? It's just my brother, lady Jane and Lady Sigyn will be returning that afternoon, and it will be my last morning of freedom."  
"I would be delighted."  
"And to perhaps dine with us later on? It's just my brother and I don't exactly get on, and Jane will always take his side. It would be nice to have someone other than Lane to talk to."  
"Again, delighted. I would only be dining alone anyway. Captain Rogers and Colonel Rhodes were supposed to eat with me, but they were called up on duty. You would be doing me a favour, when alone on the evening I have a tendency to consume too much alcohol."  
"When with my brother for the evening, so do I."  
Just then the carriage stopped outside the house.  
"Thank you for your hospitality Mr Laufeyson, it has been most pleasurable."  
"I am glad you have enjoyed your stay, I am sure there is a great friendship in blossom here Mr Stark."  
"And I hope to be seeing a lot new of you Mr Laufeyson."  
"And I of you Mr Stark, and I of you. Goodbye."  
"Goodbye Mr Laufeyson." He mounted his horse and with a nod, rode on up the long, gravel driveway leaving up to the house.  
I walked back inside and called for some tea to be sent to the study. I wanted to write some letters before I took Sleipnir for his evening ride, but I remember I was quite tired and must have fallen asleep up there because the next thin I remember was the sunlight softly waking me through the open curtains. There was a blanket around my shoulders and I took a mental note never to replace Lane.  
I then had the letters posted to Jane before making my way down to breakfast. This morning Anthony and I would be going out for our morning ride. Perhaps I'd take his to the woods. There are some places deep in the woods where no one could ever find us.  
I'd have to make that suggestion later.

But for now... Crumpets.

* * *

**That's your lot for now, **

****-Doctor MAz, oVEr and ouT


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry it's taken a while. I like to be a couple chapters ahead of my posts, but I haven't even got half way through chapter 11 yet.**

**Bear with me please.**

**Also, I've been updating and adding other stories too because this is not easy to write. So if you want, take a look at those too. All Frostiron.**

**Anyway, on with the show. We have some nice romancy bits in here, some fluff, and general niceness. Enjoy it while it lasts. Remember, this is a tragedy (but you probably wont realise til near the end)**

**So, without further ado...**

* * *

I think Sleipnir was upset I hadn't made our evening ride, but he did seem to cheer up a bit when e was saddled up for that morning.  
Sleipnir was a beautiful black stallion, with a glossy coat and a long, flowing mane. He was my favourite horse, one I'd had since childhood. Odin had given him to me, perhaps the only thing he'd ever given me. I used to ride with Thor, the lady Sif, and Fandral, Volstagg, and Hogun. I would occasionally ride with Frigga, Odin's wife. She always took care of me and I favoured her over Odin. She was like a real mother to me.  
My thoughts were interrupted by the neigh of a dark chestnut horse with black socks and a white streak on his nose. Saddled on the back was Anthony Stark.

"Anthony, how good of you to come."

"Where are we going? I still don't know the area well."

"I thought I'd show you the woods behind the estate."

"Perfect."

I led Sleipnir over to Tony and pulled myself up onto the saddle, taking the reigns firmly in one hand. "We'll, what're you waiting for?"

With a grin Tony followed behind us, a better rider than I had thought, although still not one to parallel me.

There was something about riding, something care free. It gave an exhilarating feeling of freedom, a feeling that I think Tony shared as we rode. There was something untamed yet gracious, something that cut you off from the rest of the world.

We rode together for what must have been half an hour, racing each other in the cool, dewy air.  
The morning for and the low lighting led for a dramatic and atmospheric scene.  
After the half hour, we reached to woods. It was a real English wood, with oaks and sycamores and ditches, and tangles of roots.

In the spring, the floor would be covered in blue bells, with wild English roses and tantalising berries in thorny bushes.  
In the autumn, the leaves that littered the floor, and those that remained on the trees would be an array of golden yellows and golds. The creatures if the wood, the owls and the squirrels, would be preparing for the winter ahead. Birds would still sing from the trees as the last of the golden light shone through the canopy of leaves.  
In the winter a thin frost would make the bare trees sparkle and glisten, and the frozen leaves would be crisp beneath one's boots. The lake would be frozen, and pretty white snow drops would pop up through the terrain.

As it was, an early morning in late summer, the air was cool, and fog lay on the ground. The leaves had already started to brown and golden. There was the occasional squirrel gathering nuts, and birds fetching extra bedding.  
Every spiders web and every plant glistened with the covering of the early morning dew drops.  
The morning light shone low through the trees, making long golden shadows on the ground, and the high tweet of a robin could be heard from a tree above and to our right.

Sleipnir and I had often come to the woods on our rides since I was young, it was a good place for me to clear my head. I knew the wood well, and intended to share my sanctuary with Anthony.

If you rode a little further into the wood, the tallest and closest trees opened up into a wide, lush meadow, which in turn opened up into the lake.  
The lake was my favourite place. It was clear and wide and still. There was a certain serenity to it that I am yet to experience anywhere else. It seemed a fitting place to come.

Once we reached the lake, I lead the horses to my favouriteWillow, where I tied them and helped Tony off. Silently, I moved around the tree and I say at the base, my back against the trunk and my legs stretched out before me. Anthony, of course, can to sit beside me, copying my position but sitting close enough so he could lean into my side and allow we to put my arm around him and entangle my fingers in his.  
This all happened wordlessly, no doubtably an effect of the lake. An effect to which I was most grateful. It left me the opportunity to just admire.

It was not long however, before Anthony broke out silent vow.  
"This is beautiful."

"Isn't it?"

"If I hadn't have met you, I would never have known about this place. It's quite extraordinary."  
Tony sighed in awe and leant back into me. It felt so... Comforting, to just hold Tony there. It felt to safe. And afterwards he assured me that it had had the same effect on him.

"This is still my land Tony. That means its private property. No one will come here, and no one knows we're here."

"Really?" His head turned to face me, a look on his face that I can't help to smile at, even now.  
He pressed a kiss to my lips and I wrapped both arms around his torso.

"Really."

There's a limit to how heated a kiss can get before it leads to intercourse. I don't think either of us planned in him taking me, outside and on the grass, and I don't think either of us realised how exhilarating it could be, nor how hungry it could leave us.

"Loki?"

"Yes my darling?"

"That was amazing."

"Agreed."

"Are you able to go again?"

It is also said that when in danger, a bear will be granted with unnatural strength to save her cub. After that day I can conclude that a similar theory now exists for men being granted inhuman strength to pick their lovers up and carry them naked into lakes.  
Because that's what I did.

We were already naked, we needed to clean up, and it seemed like a perfect idea. Especially when it got a little more... Without risk of being indelicate, heated.

I remember splashes, and me grabbing at thighs that wrapped themselves around my hips.  
I tried to stay upright as Tony lifted himself up and down, my own pelvis bucking into his.  
Unlike the previous time on the bank, this was not loving, it was lusting, but neither of us minded as I pounded into him and he bit at my neck, one hand curling in my hair and one on my back.

We just swam together for a while after that, still completely nude. We dried ourselves off and rode back, returning just in time for me to go and greet my new guests.  
It would be a while until Tony and I could be alone together, but he would be present at dinner and that was enough.

* * *

**So next chapter we meet Thor, and Jane comes back. I'm still not entirely sure how this is all going to pan out, so i am deeply open for suggestions, But do not fret, I know where I want to go with this, the question is just how to get there. Rest assured, I will rewrite until it is correct, and it should be far from messy.**

**I went to the london McM expo on saturday as L Loki. Anyone see me? I might have seen you. (if you went, duh). But if you did, tell me who you went as, might have seen you.**

-Doctor Mazicles, Over and OUT!


	11. Chapter 11

**I only actually planned on 10 chapter of 1k each, but due to lengths, it's going to be 12 chapters. That means the next one's gonna be our last. **

**Please dont be sad at the end, or do. Remember, it's a tragedy. Although i edited the end so it wasnt to sad.**  
**Please follow this anyway, cause i might make a sequel. Or, if you follow me, you'll still be informed of sequel-dom.**

**A sequel won't be quite yet though. I want to finish some other stories first.**

* * *

"So Jane, how was your trip?" Loki asked, watching Tony tuck the corner of a napkin into the neck of his shirt.

"It was nice seeing Aunt Rosamund. I imagine you were quite bored while I was away, most of the ladies in town were in London too. I saw a few of them there. Lady Sign sends her regards and asked me to inform you that she would be back this coming Tuesday."

"How you manage to keep so many suitors interested without paying more than a single regard to them is a mystery to me. One compliment from that silver tongue and they're yours forever. At least try not to lead so many people on Brother."

"Thor, I don't mean for these women to be so enamoured with me. I recall you having much the same effect on them. Especially on the... Lest favourable ones."

"Well brother, you always seemed to favour more... Difficult women."

"If you mean the ones who refuse to follow the paths created for them by others then you are correct. How boring it must be to be forever tied to someone who is as dull and lacking in personality as the next mindless wench."

"Brother, calm yourself. I am not saying that a women is better without opinion, just more..."

"Pleasant?" Jane offered, she and Tony all but forgotten at the table.

"Yes. Precisely that Lady Jane. Thank you."

Anthony sent me a small but reassuring smile from across the table. This was why I needed Tony there, Thor irked me.

After dinner, Tony suggested leaving Thor and Jane in the second reception room while we went to the library for a drink and some better conversation. I didn't want to leave Jane with Thor however, I didn't want her to get infatuated by him. He wouldn't be interested and then she would be lost forever. That would not happen to my Jane, I had high hopes for her.

And then I remembered my plans for her and Anthony.  
I couldn't let them marry now. Would my relationship with Tony have to stop? If not, we could not do that to Jane anyway.  
But tony would have to marry, and if that meant stopping our relationship, them I'd rather give him up to Jane than another. But I'd know he wouldn't ever Love her. Or would love grow.

I found it difficult to think selflessly and decided that so long as I didn't marry someone, neither would Tony.

We stayed in the room with Thor and Jane, much to both of our disdain.  
We finally agreed after an hour to play cards which half satisfied Tony and I. We were the only two who were actually and good.  
It also meant that the other two were concentrating to hard to notice how our legs touched, and our hands rested too close to each other, or the sultry looks we exchanged.

"Mr Stark." Jane caused us both to look up at her. "I hear you are to have a ball here before the summer is out."

"I confess, I had little intention of it, however, I do like to party, and seeing as you asked so nicely. There shall be a ball." He stated loudly, throwing his arms out to his sides dramatically in a grand gesture.

Jane giggled at Thor's side.

The rest of the evening saw Thor and Tony playing pool. They actually seemed to get on quite well.

"Jane, what are you thinking."

"I rather like Mr Stark, but you know how much I've always liked Thor."

"Despite how much I don't. You know how he is. So... Brash."

"You are my friend Loki, but I like Thor too. You know he loves you. He calls you brother."

"See, he is a liar Jane."

"Don't be so horrid. He sees you as his brother, he knows you are not, but you were raised as one ."

"Stop it Jane. Also, I have decided that Stark is not right for you. He is rich, and pleasant yes, but he has a reputation in America, I had Lane do some digging. He has been with various women. I like him, but I fear he will not be for you Jane. I will fid someone better."

"Loki, you are too protective of me. I can make my own mind up, you are my my father."

"No, your father is dead. And I promised him I'd take care of you, Erik made the same promise."

"He is over protective too."

"Yes, and while he's away in the war, I must look out for you twice as much. You know we are only trying to do what's best for you Jane."

"I know."

"Maybe at this ball you'll meet your future husband." I added with a smile, trying to lighten the mood. "Perhaps we will visit the dressmaker in the morning. It will be my little treat."

Jane smiled back at me and took another sip from her glass.

* * *

"Thor, must you eat my entire food stock?"

"I am simply hungry brother. I have not eaten since supper."  
I sighed and took another sip of my tea.  
Jane sat to my right, discretely admiring Thor.

"So did you much enjoy your travels to the south Mr Odinson?"

"Please Lady Jane, we have been known to each other long enough for you to call me Thor. And in answer of your question, yes, I did. War is a glorious thing."

"You must be very brave." She crooned

I visible cringed. "Or stupid. Thor has never exactly been a tactical officer of war, he simple has men match to their death, when they could die in a far more useful way."

"It is a great honour to die in battle."

"But a greater one not to die at all."

* * *

I didn't see Tony at all that day. Or for the next few. Thor and Jane were still staying and I couldn't risk having him for another visit.

On the fourth night of our separation, Sleipnir and I rode down to the lake. I wished to clear my head and to remind myself that my time with Tony was real.  
I had just led Slei down to the water's edge to drink when a voice caught me from behind.

**"I wondered when you would show up."**

* * *

**Enjoy it while it lasts kids.**

-Doctor Maz,** over and ****almost**** out.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Here's the last one.**

**Don't think i made the 10k mark. Ashame, I might have to add a chapter 13.**

**I dont know. What would i put? ARGH! ideas?**

**Ooooh, I know what I'll do. I know. You'll see. Hahah. **

**Sorry for any feels at the end guys.**

* * *

It had turned out that every night, Tony had come down to the lake to try to find me. And every night I had sat at home wondering what he was doing at that moment.

We sat at our usual spot, horses grazing on the grass to our right. Then Tony told me he had some news.  
"I travel back to California tomorrow. I tried to talk to you before, but..."

"Oh." That was all I could say? Oh?

"I want you to come with me."  
I looked at him in confusion.  
" you can have a job, you can work with me, you've been so much help already. You're a genius Loki."

"Why do you have to leave?"

"Howard... Howard died three days ago. And his entire company passes directly to me. I need to go back there to run it, keep the Stark family name alive."

"I see."

"Loki, Loki I love you. Loki look at me." I did. "Loki, I never wish to be parted from you from this day forward. Do you hear me? Come with me."

I nodded, I agreed. Of course I did. I would have Lane pack my things for the morning train, and then I'd have the rest sent over to me.

Of course, my agreeing led to a little more than talking.  
We fell asleep together, in a loose embrace, Tony's air cool against my neck, his arm moving slowly up and down in time with the breathing of my chest.  
It was barely warm enough for us to have had a comfortable night, but we were fine due to our combined body heat.

I did not have long to lie here, lane would barely have enough time to pack me some clothes and money before we would leave. I went back to the house without waking Tony, planing to be back for him before our train left in the afternoon.

As I rode away, I was truly happy.

* * *

When I arrived back at the house, I quickly told Lane what to do, and then made my way into the dining room where Thor and Jane were talking over breakfast.  
"We were going to wait for you Loki, but we feared the eggs were getting cold."

"Never mind that. I am going away for a bit, I don't know when I will be back. Mr Stark has invited me in a last minute trip to New York. I have always wanted to go, and Stark promises to teach me about he automobiles be is engineering. Perhaps I might even find a wife while over there."

"But Brother, I have only just got back."

"Exactly. So long my dear Jane? I hope you will write."

And I tried not to skip as I remounted Sleipnir and made my way back to my sleeping lover.

Then I stopped. A gunshot echoed off the trees as I reached the edge of the wood.  
-PAGEBREAK-

Tony's limp body lie in my arms, my hands and clothes stained with blood.  
I could not hear him breathing.

"L-lo?" I heard him choke out. "Loki?"

"Yes yes, I'm here darling."

He smiled. "I love you Lo-" his eyes slipped shut and I tried not to hit him, to beat him for doing this to me.

* * *

So that is why we never did make it to America, to California where we were supposed to be free (well, more free) and live Together in Antony's home.

He now lies there in my bed with a hole next to his heart.  
The bullet didn't kill him, but he is weak. He cannot travel.

He will though, eventually, and then we will be free. Then we will be together.

And the man who fired the gun? Who pulled the trigger? I dealt with him. No one else knew what happened to that poacher.  
And why would any one suspect?.

* * *

There was a large willow tree by the lake that was part of the grounds of the estate. Between the tree and the lake were perhaps five, six metres of lawn. Beneath the tree, sitting on the bank, were two figures. to their right, tied to another tree a few metres back, was one jet black thorough-bred stalion and one chestnut mare.  
One man sat, leaning back on one elbow so that he half lay on the grass. The other man sat to his left, maybe six inches further forward than the other. He lay into the taller man, the other's arm wrapped around his waist and holding him close, his head wresting on the shorter man's hip.  
I envy them. They sit there, not a care, all the worldly possessions they could dream is, all the love, the presence of each other.

That was only a week or so ago. How could so much have changed since then? It's strange to have come so far from my dull life, to such a point of elation, and then back to worse than I started. I feel much like i had fallen into a beep abyss, where the darkness around me had fed off my newly forged happiness. Forged by the hands of the magnificent Tony Stark. How can one come back from that? No amount of time can dull that bitterness it leaves inside of you.

I had been to a place i could not come back from. If you know the feeling of a lover dying, the feeling of your heart beeing wrenhed from your chest, and your sould dropping to the floor, then perhaps you will know something of what it is like. To live in such a tender embrace from a man, only to have yourself puller from his grip.

Tony was still alive, just, but that initial feeling that he had died will remain with me until I myself die. He is still in pain, every day. He tries to hide it from me, but I still see. Everytime i sit at his bed side and he thinks i am asleep, i seem the pain torture his face. Yinsen, his doctor, tells me that his scarring will not heal, but the pain will decrease with time. He will not die yet, but the lead bullet is still inside, and will slowly poison him to death. It is too close to his heart for them to operate.

Until then however, I will have to make the most of our time together. Because, that moment, the moment he goes, I will too.

* * *

**Like it? shoot me a review.**

**Really sorry, but i need those 10k words, so im going to do a little ramblations here...  
**

**This has been a really weird fic for me, i only really started writing it because i wanted to become a better writer and be more descriptive. This (i thought) was the best way to do this. I hope it worked. I was thinking of doing some shout-outs here, but i couldnt remember usernames very well, so...  
**

**Shout outs:  
**

**I would like to thank my dear friend Sandy Claus for that mr potato head he got me that one time. It really inspired me to start writing, so this whole fic and everything ive ever written id basically all thanks to him. And of course his lovely wife and any reindeer friends that helped him to deliver it. Also to those little elven darling who must have done the wrapping. I know they didnt make him because it was branded. I was quite disappointed in them at the time, but i have recently forgiven them,  
**

**Also, please check out some of my other fics (mostly frostiron ones), courtesy of Sandy and his friends.  
**

**Thank you.  
**

-Doct, over and Definately out.


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